Do you remember a time, not long ago, when we said “we’re all in this together”?
“Together” … what did it mean? It certainly didn’t mean “in agreement.”
….maybe “together” as we all feel fear of some sort?
What do you do with facing fear?
You put on a mask!
Bad joke, right?
But let me explain…. I studied Transpersonal Counselling.
Trans=beyond, Persona=mask/face. Looking beyond the mask…
How often do we hide our fears, our feelings?
I have a mask (aka persona) for talking to my mum and I have a different mask for talking to my boss i.e….we all have.
Countless masks for all sorts of life situations.
Becoming aware of our masks and living more authentic in how we relate to others is a path.
The person you relate to is also used to “your way’, to your face/persona, changing this takes time.
We are relating with our expressions, our persona. The way you look at someone defines the relationship.
How do you talk about your feelings to others?
Can you talk about your feelings?
Are you aware of your facial expressions while talking to your partner?
Can you share how it makes you feel?
“I love your smile. Every day again.”
or…
“It makes me feel scared when I see you rushing around in the house mumbling with an angry tone. Can I help you?”
I am sure you have heard about “fight or flight” response. It is a natural response to stressful events but it is not a good place to live from. it is important to get out of that response as quickly as you got into it.
I am sure you have seen an animal shaking off stress. They know it is a natural way for taking care of their wellbeing.
It’s rational and justified to be stressed in response to the events of this year.
And we have a choice. We can stress or we can use the time wisely and learn more about healthy ways of living and healthy relating.
I find it surprising how many arguments turn into fights.
Often arising from presumptions about a facial expression or a tone of someone’s voice.
That can trigger a story.
Practice tip: become aware when the conversation turns ugly. Agree with your partner that you will continue the conversation in front of a mirror. Looking at it together. Keep talking while looking at both of your reflections in the mirror.
Is there such a thing as a healthy argument?
The art of arguing and conflict resolution is a path.
Are you willing to go down this path?
It is not working if you want to be right.
I have done a lot of fighting in relationships. Breakups, difficult times, emotional constipation…. Yes, that is all part of my path.
And I have learned that conflict is a doorway into a deeper connection.
No need to say that healthy arguing and finding new ways of communicating in conflict supports your well-being. Your hormones love it and it’s generally good for your health.
You can learn to regulate your emotions or reactivity during conflict. It is not only important for resolving short term conflicts but also for long term ones.
First step is to become aware of your triggers,
observe the situation rather than being fully in it
and know when to ask for a time out. These are a few essential skills that everyone can learn.
Unresolved conflict and stress creates major health problems in the long run.
People who don’t figure this out end up feeling alone, depressed, isolated etc.
Learn how to stay in your centre and feel connected – even in conflict.
Yes, it is work …
…and yes it can be fun to grow and understand relationships better.
Life is relationships.
How to aim for less stress, less conflict & more connection – more love.
Some key points on how:
Check your perception while relating…. What is your belief? Are you attempting to convince and can you listen? When you see an opening, foster the dialogue to open more and allow for space to grow and learn.
Take a social media break. Connect with real life. Allow yourself to connect with people outside of your bubble. Gratitude for services you receive starts with a heartfelt Thank You, with a compliment and maybe a conversation, at the register in a shop.
Get Grounded and breathe. Barefoot, close your eyes and tune in to your connection to the ground – the Earth. Acknowledge the soil, the rich earth beneath you. Allow yourself to feel supported by Mother Earth.
Self soothing. I often include a self massage into my yoga practise. Arms, hands, legs, the feed, ribcage and face. Breathe and feel. Self touch – it is essential and a great way to feel your body. Selflove.
Boundaries are essential. There is no need to compromise your needs. Lay out your rules and stick to them. You are allowed to step away from a relationship. If they’re in it with you, they’ll understand.
Cultivating hope impacts all dimensions of life.