December 9


Courage And Relational Intelligence

By Lars Richter

December 9, 2020

Dear reader,
this is one of my last blogs for 2020.
It is time for me to go inward, reflect and integrate my inner and outer worlds. I will write on that shortly.
I do hope I can inspire you to reflect, act, and develop courage and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.
Our ancestors created and kept culture through telling stories, not theories or beliefs. They taught us to talk about people, about feelings and learnings, not cases or judgements.
There are only a few things I learned from my grandmother, who died last week. I wouldn’t be here without her. Thank you Oma. She encouraged me to live life, to love, to be who I am and do what I need to do. She did it in her way, rather passive and without words. I honour her life, sadly, without knowing much about her.
I was lucky to meet my Great Grandparents too. I grew up listening to their stories and receiving lots of mixed messages but also support and love. I had to find my way through an emotionally challenged and often emotionally constipated family. Everyone is doing the best they can, influenced by the politics of the time including WW 2 and the new beginnings after 1945.
I remember my ancestors today, some very social, they loved to connect with people sharing joyous moments
Others struggle(d) with depression. I remember family gatherings. Uncles and aunties, grandmothers and fathers, cousins and nephews all around one long table in a remote village restaurant in East Germany. Gatherings of four generations telling stories, relating on many levels…
Some elders saw things in me that I did not yet see in myself. They believed in me and inspired confidence when I had only little.
They were my teachers, helping counteract the present critical voice (my mum’s) that lived in my head and filled my sense of self. Later I was grateful to welcome great mentors and friends into my life. They reflected a kinder and more capable and creative version of myself. The fertile soil for growing into the best version of myself. My relationships with many very different humans made me who I am today in my life. I am grateful to everyone who walked that path with me thus far. Let’s keep co-creating and conspiring.
I always ask (myself): who was there for you? It brings me back to gratitude and compassion.
It is a powerful question I also use when people tell me about major difficulties in their lives. Did anybody step in? Was there a person who saw you, and who affirmed you? What effect did this have on your life?
Do they know what you feel for them? It is a good time of year to reach out with gratitude and love.
The strongest and most resilient thing we have when life is tough are our relationships. Are you able to turn your experiences into a resource rather than a burden?
Being present to yourself is one thing. And the presence of caring people, brothers and sisters; the teacher, coach, neighbour, or family friend is pure gold in life. You choose how you hold every experience of your life in your heart. Every experience is reality manifesting itself in the moment. The present moment can lead to everything.
Our relationships keep us connected to ourselves and to each other.
We are continuing to see massive changes, uncertainty and loss. These are circumstances that even the most resilient, well-resourced people find difficult. I can’t repeat it often enough: Reach out. Don’t wait for tomorrow …
And do not blindly believe the mainstream narrative. It is not supporting your health and well-being.
It can be as simple as a phone call or a letter. Yes, write a letter…. It is an act of letting go and respect. We all experience the world in a different way… …so what’s going on in your world?
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