December 3

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The Human Need for Connection

By Lars Richter

December 3, 2020


The Human Need for Connection

Relationship becomes challenging, when polarities that made us connect and love each other, turn to be the reason for lack of connection.

There are people in relationships who always want to connect with their partner. Is that you?


There is the other type of a relating human who seeks less connection even though they feel the same love for the other person.
It is a different way and it is most likely based on the individual’s core narrative of need for connection. 
This narrative is often created in early childhood.

The differences erupt especially under stress and anxiety.

I want to help you learn how to communicate your need for connection better.
Communication is a skill.
Learn to communicate your needs without pushing the other person further away.

Here are two very important questions I ask couples to think about:

Do we want the same sort of relationship?
Think values, goals/vision, agreements/container.

What do you want out of the relationship?
Own what you want.
Holding back what you want is always creating bigger problems in the long run.

 
I keep asking these questions to myself. The only constant in life is change.


Again, it is a skill communicating your needs. It can be done with an open heart and mind.

Can you…?

Can you put yourself into their shoes?
Can you listen?
Can you care about the experience the other goes through?

Are you willing to understand why …. what the other person needs?

How much space can you create with your partner for all needs to be held?

There must be room for all feelings.
Can they be disclosed, seen fully by both and appreciated?

The impact of silence and felt disconnect is equal to the impact from lack of space or freedom.

Vulnerability and Shared Values are essential for a safe container to deepen the journey.

What do you bring to the relationship table?
All of yourself?

Get in touch if you want to get into some skill upgrades!

Photo credit to the-hk-photo-company at unsplash.
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